In part two of the divorced dad series, we touched on our greatest responsibility as a father and specifically tackled alienation. In this article, we touch on how to be a happily divorced dad.
How To Be Happy As A Divorced Dad
The aftermath of divorce is not good, and surviving it is even tougher. Getting on with one’s life after a divorce is difficult but not impossible. Resilience and a sincere approach are all that’s needed to stop wallowing in loneliness and getting on with your life!
What Moving On Means
Although dating and finding someone new is part of the moving on process, it should not be a guy’s priority. If the reason for the divorce is not an infidelity part on your side, then seeing someone new immediately right after the dissolution of your marriage not only reeks of desperation but also creates another potentially problematic situation.
Moving on means being able to treat your ex in a civil manner, If she insists on being irrational and acting like a petty child then take the high road. Focus on the problem at hand like the kids. Avoid altercations about what could have been because there’s nothing you can do about it anymore. Make a clean break, start new with your ex try and befriend her. Just don’t stay in the fantasy land that you will get back together. In all likelihood that’s not going to happen. Now’s the time for self-awareness and self-reflection. Use your strength to regain your power and reshape who you are as a man building towards a renewed sense of purpose.
Can You Become Friends With Your Ex?
Of course, you can! Look at Demi Moore and Bruce Willis??? But Seriously… When the decision to separate is mutual or as long as there’s no cheating on either party being friends with your ex-wife again won’t be that hard. However, if the reason for the break up is that you cheated on her, then she’d probably slam the door on you, and you know you deserve it. If that is the case, give her time to heal. Be nice, show or tell her that you know what you did was wrong. This step at least opens the door for future conversations.
How To Show Her That You Want To Be Friends
People don’t expect you to be chummy with your ex. Being in a harmonious relationship with her is important when you have kids because of no matter what other people say divorced parents can still give their children a somewhat normal way of life.
The difficult part of trying to effect a reconciliation is that it can be misconstrued as wanting to be married again. The key to dispelling this misunderstanding is communication. Show your ex that you work better together as friends than as a couple. An acknowledgement of mistakes made on both your parts will definitely make things a whole lot easier. When presented with an obstacle particularly on the issue of finances and custody learn to compromise and take a deep breath when your tempers rise.
A Few More Reminders
As you try to establish a sense of normality in your life as a family but separate individuals, you just might be able to find happiness. Focus on your children. Ask them what and how they feel, do this together with your ex.
If you and your ex are doing one of “your talks” make sure that you two are not in an intimate situation, keep the kids within earshot. Avoid romantic situations because you both might reminisce and get carried away. This will harm your progress.
As a divorced dad, there are lots of reasons to be happy. Remembering a few of the things we mentioned above will help. Drama is not healthy for the soul and for the heart. Think about it, did you like those lonely holidays alone in a hotel, your kids at your old house having fun? Probably not. Stay connected with the important things in your life like your children, family and friends. There are lots to be happy about.
Go in peace, my brother!
Alain Dumonceaux
Founder, The Awakened Man