A 5-part series on divorced dad’s.
38% of marriages end in divorce. That’s down 3% from the 1980s. Still, that’s a lot of divorced dad’s out there. Being one myself, my thoughts are to share with you some ideas to help divorced dads navigate the divorce path while still being an amazing dad. Check out this 5-part series on divorced dads.
Are You A Divorced Dad? So What? As Long As You’re the Greatest!
Can a divorced Dad be a great father? Perhaps a divorced guy should also ask you, “Why? Just because you’re not divorced does not mean you’re a great father.” It’s really such a pity that our society as a whole thinks of men as being a dead beat parent just because of he’s divorced. There are a lot of amazing divorced fathers out there and you can learn a lot from them.
Keeping It Close
You’ve got to admit that children suffer a lot of the consequences of divorce. From irate parents to separation anxiety it’s a tough world out there for children whose parents are divorced or getting divorced.
Preserving a relationship with the kids needs sacrifice from both sets of parents. Both mother and father have to be able to set aside their differences long enough to inspect the damage that they have both caused to their children. More often than not parents get too engrossed with they’re emotional pain that they fail to notice that their children suffer even more than they do.
Studies show that when both parents make conscious efforts to stay close to each other have more successful and stable children. What’s more, when parents separate their relationship from those with their children, they tend to create a more harmonious relationship.
A Formal Study
To emphasize the importance of a father’s proximity to his children, the State University of Arizona conducted a study of college students whose parents were divorced. The researchers observed personality, emotional and mental maturity, health, and even interests in school and success. The study found several pieces of evidence that support the idea that whoever has primary custody it is adamant that divorce parents be in close proximity of their children.
Findings
The findings are very interesting. Statistics clearly show that children whose parents are divorced have healthier and more mature relationships when their parents make a conscious effort of keeping the essence of the family intact.
61% of the kids involved in the study asserted that their mom or whoever had primary custody moved them at least an hour’s drive away from the other parent. One of the concerns expressed by the students was getting in between the crossfire. When they stay with one parent during the move, future financial help (like for college) lessened. For example, if they stayed with dad, mom gives less when college comes, and vice versa. In fact, the investigation showed that the 1-hour driving distance already had a negative effect on the children.
Emotional upheaval cannot be avoided, but a keener inspection of the kids showed that those whose parents kept them close have a healthier disposition emotionally and mentally.
In Conclusion
All in all the study asserts that divorce does affect children. The way the parents treat each other and the distance they have from their children does have a significant impact that could determine whether the child succeeds or not. It is difficult to make friends with an ex-wife after all that’s been said and done, but it will be more difficult for you as a divorced dad when in the future you see your children suffer the consequences of your action.
As a divorced dad, it is your responsibility, to yourself and your children to ensure you can set aside the issues that caused the divorce and focus on the health of the children. Keeping close is good if both of you can work it out.
In the next article in this series, we discover a divorced dad's greatest responsibility.
Go in peace, my brother!
Alain Dumonceaux
Founder, The Awakened Man